asian pears, tv games, and end of year

we have been thoroughly enjoying the end of 2012.  we had a great christmas which has been followed by days of relaxing, playing casual games, cleaning here and there and not working (for me, anyway)....and i feel as if i have come back to myself after the rush of a very busy year.

at the end of each year, i yearn to say the words that this was the BEST YEAR EVER!!! when i was younger, it always seemed to be.  this year has been amazing.  it has left me in awe of it.  i feel as if it has been a year where the pendulum has swung to the extremes.

i have enjoyed a new baby this year and many quiet moments of eating him up quiet moments feeding him and enjoying my calling as a mother.  i have contemplated life in it's joy and glory as well as it's tragedy.  i have felt my heart break into pieces and dealt with feelings and emotions that surfaced after years of suppression but i have found freedom and joy in doing so.  i have come to love my sweetheart with new life.  i have come to understand him anew and love who he is.  i have come to see each of my sweet children with understanding and while i have tackled personal fears of parenting, i have come out with renewed faith.  i have come to "see" each of them for their strengths and love them more.

we have been busy busy busy.  eric has worked his booty off this year.  he has seen great progress in his programs and enjoyed success but also missed many dinners at our family table and often hours extending into 60-80 hour work weeks and we have missed him.  i am not saying this to complain.  we are so grateful for his job. but i am noting this phase in our lives and the sacrifices that we are making at this stage.  some of it has been good and some completely exhausting.  my businesses have grown in good ways and i am very optimistic for the progress i have made this year and i am ready to dive into a year of change, simplifying  and moving more toward my dreams as they grow.  it is exciting and daunting.

my house has been a mess a lot of the time.  my laundry has been piled high, far and wide.  i have not managed to get on top of many tasks that i have wanted to.  but with it, my house is full on noisy children, a lot of giggling, some fighting, family home evenings, dinners around the table.

most importantly, i feel i have gained a new more eternal perspective on so many aspects of my life.  i have a great desire to move forward with faith in my Savior.  i have come to know Him more in my struggles this year and He has become more real to me than ever before in so many ways.  i also know i have a long way to go but i am anxious to find my course and move forward, onward, and upward with courage.

i have lots of hopes for 2013.  i feel that it will be a good year of moving forward.  i am excited for goals that we are prayerfully and thoughtfully putting into place to progress to where we would like to be.

now, after writing those somewhat "weighty" thoughts, i will share some pictures of those who matter most to me doing not-much-in-particular like playing mario in pajamas and eating asian pears, but man, do i love these guys.

christmas wrap-up

can you tell that i am not working over the break? hence all the really up-to-date blogging:)  i am really enjoying my break from everything.  just taking it easy.

anyway, just want to quickly wrap up our christmas.  this christmas was low key and laid back.  i feel like we are finding out groove with how we do christmas as a family and really enjoyed not being over bombarded with presents but keeping it simple.  after our aforementioned, rather hectic christmas eve, we managed to get the kids in bed after joshua bounced off the wall for about 40 minutes due to a late night piece of chocolate cake which seemed to rev up his hyper little engine.

last year, maryn inquired about the secret of santa wanting desperately to know answers and so we let her in on the secret and gave her the special assignment of being a "keeper" of the secret and christmas. this christmas eve, she asked if she could be a helper in making the magic happen so she got to stay up and all that entailed.  it was special to have her help us and we enjoyed her excitement and enthusiasm and it was a very special time with her.  we got to bed just after midnight.

...only to be awakened at 4a.m. by a very excited caleb telling us that santa had come and he was bursting to open presents.  he had woken maryn but i managed to keep him from josh and adam and told them they needed to wait until 6a.m. at least.  they went and "watched" the presents down stairs and fell asleep in the glow of the trees until just after 7am. so the party started and there was much excitement.  we were all abundantly blessed.

around 9am, we hosted christmas breakfast of biscuits and gravy.  it was yum.

we enjoyed a low key morning. i took a long hot bath while i read a book.  the children enjoyed playing with their new treasures.

we headed over to my mom and dad's for a delicious christmas dinner and enjoyed their company the rest of the afternoon.

we concluded the day with a few really intense games and then a nice chat in the new hot tub.  pretty much a perfect day.

oh glory!

it is often said (in our home....sometimes jokingly and sometimes not) that the key to happiness is low expectations.  i have learned that this lesson applies to oh so many things....and certainly our christmas eve.  this year, mom decided that to make things more special, she would sew beautiful nativity costumes instead of throwing some together like we usually do.  these costumes were to be the center of family christmas eve nativity presentations for years to come.  they would be worn and passed around to different grandchildren who would play the roles of the ancient story with dignity and refinement.  there was hours of work and picking out just the right fabrics.  well, let's just say that we are glad that grandma has low expectations and laughs easily because with this crew, the story seems to waiver between sacrilege and carnage and flat-out rebellion.  we managed to laugh through it....probably to keep from crying.....

the story begins with a couple....mary and joseph.  each happy to play their part as long as they don't have to be within a foot of each other....this was cutting it close (notice how mary is trying to hold it together) but while we're at it, let's introduce the patient narrator and his assistant lamb....

better by themselves.....

there was an adorable shepherd abiding in the field....

his sheep, however was having a melt down which got noisy....

but he tried to comfort the sheep as any good shepherd would....

and then the angel appeared bringing tidings of great joy....

 

and the shepherds were sore afraid....wait...i think they got a little confused....

 there was also a wise man who only believed in being a wise princess....

        who refused to leave the east and bring gifts as she wanted some snacks..... 

and people who watched....they are thinking (what the?)

 mary and joseph in "couples therapy"

pulling it back together....

and the narrator with his "helpful" page turner....

we all sighed with relief when the story as finally over....

and then got to sit and listen to the "best christmas pageant ever" which took on new meaning as we realized the herdmens were actually not that bad....

hmmmm.....

my goodness!  i think it will take us a year to recover!

merry christmas making!

so, yesterday, i was being a bit of a brat.  a christmas brat.  i refused to tell eric what i wanted for christmas.  the reason:  i had given him tons of hints and ideas and didn't want to tell him again.  yes, brat.  i was having a personal pitty party.  i was thinking about how busy i've been wrapping up work, recitals, getting christmas ready and shipped to extended family, buying christmas for our family and carefully planning details, getting treats and gifts out to friends and neighbors, and gosh dangit!! i wanted someone to do something thoughtful for me.  without a hint.  or another hint.  sometimes i can be a jerk and unreasonable. he actually handled it well.

as the day went on, we went to church.  we got to be a part of the choir.  music makes it christmas for me and this year, we have had the chance to be involved in a lot: starting with my christmas piano recital, several musical numbers at church  (whether organizing or participating), sang as a family in the stake christmas night, our annual family christmas sing-a-along (which i think was our best yet!), ward christmas party, ward christmas program.  i love singing christmas music. and as i sang in church yesterday with the choir and shared my testimony of the spirit that comes through music to the primary kids yesterday, i realized something.  i realized that i was being a brat.

all of this getting ready for christmas is one of my favorite things in the world.  i love that i get to do it.  i love that i get to think about the perfect gift for each person.  i love that i get to spend so much time and effort into creating christmas magic for my family.  that is the greatest gift i can have at christmas time.  i love getting to see the wonder of christmas in my children's eyes.  i love to help them come up with ideas of what they can do for others.  i love watching them tromp through the snow up to the houses of special friends to deliver gifts to them and run back the the car yelling, "merry christmas to all!" it makes all the hours in the kitchen, all the wrapping....everything worth it.  being a mom is magical.  it is wonderful.  and so, i am going to take pres. uchtdorf's charge, and be a gracious receiver this year.  i am going to receive the christmas spirit into my life and family and love every second of this christmas eve.  it's my favorite day of christmas with all it's anticipation and business getting ready, christmas carols, the nativity, and my dad reading "the best christmas pageant ever".  so far it is off to a grand start with sleeping in, cuddling with my hunny, and breakfast of warm chocolate croissants from the french bakery in bed!!! thanks to my mom.

i hope that you enjoy the merry making that you are doing today....and remember what a privilege it is to get to do! love to you and yours.....merry christmas!!!

dear adam

today is your birthday and i am in denial.  i cannot believe that it has been a year since you came into our lives.  you were the hardest decision we ever made.  you were thought of for years before you were born.  you were watched over by angels as we wrestled with the decisions and i felt that i was told of your worry and sadness that you might not get the chance to come to our family because we struggled with this decision so much.  i felt that angels were telling you to be patient and not worry because we would choose the right thing.  this broke my heart.  i knew that you were special and that you were meant to be with us.

we finally decided that it was time...and almost instantly, all the fear and dread we had about facing another pregnancy left and we were filled with peace and anticipation. somehow, we knew that everything would be okay and that we would get the blessings we needed when we needed them.  and we did.  we were so blessed.  the day you arrived was stormy and cold.  i remember watching giant snowflakes fall outside my window as i labored and we anxiously awaited the chance to hold you and finally see you!  it was a sacred moment.

this year has flown by.  things have happened so quickly,  you have grown.  i have so many thoughts about you.  you have been such a gift.  you have given me the gift of slowing down a little each day to look into you big, beautiful almond blue eyes and see you.  i have loved reading to you and how you turn the pages by yourself and giggle at parts you think are funny.

you love music.  you have an amazing sense of rhythm and dance to any beat.  even in your sleep. i see your little hips going to the music of the wii downstairs.  you love to sing with us during fhe.

you have blessed me by being a good sleeper which has allowed me to get work done when i really needed to.

you love love love the men in your life.  you adore your dad and brothers and love to play with them.  and you especially love your grandpa.  and they all adore you back.

your sister loves you to pieces too and you love her.  she loves to play with you and take baths with you.  she loves to read you stories and is such a great helper with you!

you also had the chance to bond with your great grandmother while she was visiting this summer.  you loved her so much and took long naps with her.  you loved to sit and cuddle with her and she just adored you.

i have loved watching you find your place in our family.  families are so important.  they give us a place to belong.  i can see as you play around where your siblings are, you know this is where you belong.  you love being in the middle of all the action.

a few days ago, after wrestling and trying to find some answers to personal questions i have, i came into your room as you woke from your nap.  i picked you up and held you in my arms for a moment.  a feeling of peace washed over me.  i have always felt this when i am around you.  you have brought with you into this world the gift of peace and others have noticed it too.  you calm those around you and while you have this vibrant and fun personality, you radiate peace and love.  you have cuddled me and hugged me so many times this year when i really needed it.

you were born in the season of gift-giving.  i will always count you as one of my precious gifts.

i love you my sweet boy.

love,
momma

sweet baby...you have grown!!!!