Lucky

Today, I entered our elementary school through the door buzzed for me to fetch Maryn and take her to her eight-year-old well check appointment. I sat and waited as they tried to track her down while her P.E. class played freeze tag outside. As I waited, a teacher's aid that often helps in Maryn's class room passed by and noticed the carseat at my feet that contained my peacefully slumbering baby. She is a sweet person who I really appreciate being in the classroom. She has talked to me about Maryn before. I can tell that she really 'sees's' my girl and the goodness and sweetness in her and that is priceless to me especially in the people who spend such a significant amount of time with my children. She stopped and appreciated the precious baby for a moment and then as she turned to leave, she looked me right in the eyes and with such sincerity said, "You are so lucky!" It caught me off guard. Perhaps it was her sincerity. But it was also the fact that most of the comments I get about my children are more to the tune of "wow! You've got your hands full!"...and not said in an envious tone...more as if they feel sorry for me. So I have thought about this comment throughout the day. How lucky I truly am in so many ways. But as I check on my my babies before heading off to bed myself, I take an extra minute to watch their little chests rise and fall and appreciate the goodness of the life I have been given. Very lucky indeed.

everyday

i have been wanting to write out a post containing what our "everyday" looks like so that i can remember this time of life.  it's been floating around in my head....what would be important to include to help me remember how joyful and how hard our days are.  i have come to realize that right now, there isn't an "average" day for me and maybe that is what is driving me a little crazy.

i am being pulled in a gazillion directions.  i feel like a cartoon character whose legs are running at amazing speeds and i'm staying in the same place.  we are facing many frustrations some which i can share and some that are too personal but right now, we are taking things one day at a time.

so here is a little that is going on....

it's birthday season, anniversary, mother's day, end of school craziness happening here.  a few things going on this month which have not been properly documented have included our anniversary, eric's birthday, a baby shower i threw with a friend, mother's day, maryn's birthday, shooting a wedding and several family shoots, wrapping up piano and singers company with a recital and two shows, field days, maryn's talent show, kindergarten graduation and preparing for maryn's baptism in a couple of weeks!

these things have been complicated by the fact that we ran out of money about half way through the month.  i guess that is a bit personal but it has been hard.  the bills from my pregnancy have left us cushion-less and i feel like we are constantly in survival mode trying to keep up with life's demands and working our tails off.

eric has started into his busy season at work and so we are seeing much less of him...and when he is home, he has a lot on his mind and a lot to take care of.

i already have shared that we have gone through the process of diagnosing and trying to figure out our lives with adhd and to top that off, we have found out that our sweet baby, adam has asthma and we are now working around breathing treatments 3-4 times a day.

caleb has started baseball season and he think's he has died and gone to heaven:)  he literally slept in his uniform the night after his first practice...which included his shoes, cap, and glove.  he is such a great kid.

what i am most grateful for: my good husband, my amazing kids, the support of our family, the gospel of jesus christ, health and energy, a roof over our heads, good food to eat, and a soft pillow to rest my head on at the end of the day....even if sleep is usually not that restful:)

and boy, am i looking forward to summer!!! i have a little reservation because eric will be working like crazy but i am looking forward to having my little ducks around, not ALWAYS having some place to be, not driving to and from the school three times a day.  i will still be working but i am hoping that things will slow down a little and that we can re-evaluate....and simplify....so that when the craze starts again in august, we will have a better picture, more efficient work and processes and more quiet moments to gnaw on my baby's soft cheeks, listen to ramblings of 3 year-olds, solve the dramatic friend dramas of eight year olds, and hold sweet 6 year old for the 20 seconds each day they will allow it.

9 sleeps until summer begins!!!

heard around the house

before i start this little series, i need to warn you that i have a house of three little boys....which means potty talk is a problem.  not just naughty potty talk but bodily parts and functions are constantly coming up in conversations with questions and concerns.  you've been warned.

caleb has taken to changing adam's diaper.  during this helpful activity:

c: JOOOOSHHH!!! adam's poo is GRREEEEENNNN!!!
j: (running in to see)  YYYEEESSSSS!!! my favorite color!!!

a few seconds later....

c: mom, why do babies poo and wee?
me: well, why do you think?
c: (thinking...) well....because.....that's life?

------

j: mom, did you know that jesus made neck-flix? (netflix)

processing adhd

i've been mulling over this post for a while now and i think i just need to write it out to get all my thoughts in order.

an average day with my sweet daughter, maryn, includes some details that have been confusing me.  for example, getting ready takes her a REALLY long time...having to constantly kept on task and sent back to her room to finish getting ready, have breakfast and about a bajillion reminders to get her homework in her backpack which i usually end up doing anyway.  then, when she get home from school, her homework is often still in her backpack...never turned in.  she has a large "detox" window of about an hour when she is SUPER grumpy after school and usually gets sent to her room to have some "alone time" until she is ready to be calm and nice to everybody.  she is my most willing helper and yet often has trouble completing a simple task like going to get a diaper for me because she gets distracted along the way.  when picking up around the house, 80% of things lying around belong to maryn and her bedroom is almost always a disaster despite efforts, threats, reward programs....everything that i can think of.  i thought that this was all really quite normal until caleb started school this year and i noticed that he could do all of these things with little effort.  he is rarely forgetful and generally takes care of things himself.

this year in school has also been challenging for maryn.  she has struggled all year with math facts.  she has done fine with memorizing them but put her into a timed test, and she could barely complete anything.  she was put into a "special" group to help with that.  she was also put into a "special" group because her reading speed was below what it needed to be for second graders.  in parent teacher conferences, her teacher told me that she believed that maryn could read plenty fast enough if she didn't spend so much time looking at the pictures:)  but the gist of it was that she was heading for a summer reading program on an IEP.

the thing that really bothered me and when i knew i needed to figure all this out, was as i watched her self-confidence in schoolwork really dwindle.  she started to hate school.  she enjoys her friends and the social aspects but she just felt like she couldn't do it.  one day at home, she was in tears because she had misplaced her homework. devastated.  she was distraught because her teacher reads out the names of all the kids who don't hand in their homework in front of the whole class.  she is often part of this list. she has been shamed and humiliated. don't even get me started on how i feel about the public shaming of children! we searched and searched.  high and low. after about 10 minutes, she came to me with her white flag and said, "it's okay, mom.  it happens to me all the time." i wanted to cry.  she had given up. i couldn't let her give up on herself.  i couldn't allow her to feel like a second class citizen when i knew how badly she wanted to succeed!

as i started to dig deeper, i put things together.  you see, as most people do, i've never thought of checking her for ADHD.  i prayed a lot.  i mean, she has NO behavioral problems, doesn't struggle with impulsivity or hyperactivity.  as i read more and more i found out that the most common kind of ADHD is girls is called ADHD - Inattentive.  it only deals with the distraction side of things and not the other things.  many girls fly under the radar because they are NOT a problem for teachers behaviorally in school but what generally happens is they think they are stupid.  their self esteem takes a HUGE knock by the time they hit those blessed middle school years.  i was already seeing this in my precious girl.

i got with the pediatrician and worked on getting a diagnosis and figuring things out.  one of the final things the pediatrician suggested was trying a trial of medication.  the idea was that if she did have it, we would see a big difference almost immediately.  if she didn't, she would either get hyper from the medicine or show no change.

day 1 - i anxiously waited to pick her up from school.  my head was in a cloud and i has been praying for her all day long...she climbed in the car and i asked her how her day had gone.  she  immediately started chatting about what a great day she had had, "math was so fun today, mom.  we did all these activities and i finished all my work.  then, we did reading groups and that was fun too.  after that we wrote stories and i finished TWO WHOLE PAGES of my story.  can i get on the computer at home and type more stories....i think i want to write a book..." and on and on she went all the way home.  i sat there listening, stunned. i conciously didn't know how to feel at that moment.  i didn't know whether to cry because of what it all confirmed or to jump for joy because i knew that knowing what this is, we can help her with this.  i chose the latter.

day 2 - i got an email from the teacher saying how well she is doing in class and that she had tested her reading in class that day and she was at or above grade level in everything!

at homes, i also noticed that she got through her homework quickly and easily.  she was pleasant when she came home from school and didn't have the build up of anxiety from a frustrating day at school.  she was able to pack her bags and get ready without many reminders and she has had very few breakdowns or outbursts.

i am not entirely sure what our process is going to be but we are working on it.  i am interested in alternate methods but i am definitely not counting out the value of medicating her. in one of the articles i read that was particularly helpful, the doctor who wrote it suggested that not medicating a child with ADHD is like having a child that needs glasses and not giving it to them.  i have thought about that a lot because i personally have felt that i have seen more of who maryn really is and wants to be with the medication.  she has been truer to her personality.  but i would also love to try essential oils and some other things to see what they can do as well as modifying things at home.  i know everyone suggests diet changes but we actually eat that way already at home and very rarely have processed foods etc. so there is little for us to change in that department.  i am hoping to use the summer at home to try things and see if we can find what will really work for her.

it's a lot to take in though.  i know that this is sometimes misdiagnosed but i really don't feel that this is the case here.  ADHD is everywhere in my family (i have 3 siblings who legitimately have it) and have also come to find out that it is a dominant gene.  so this should hardly be surprising.  i don't believe that a diagnosis is an excuse. rather, it is somewhere to start so that we can get where we want to go.

mostly, it has confirmed to me what a special, amazing wonderful girl i have here.  she really is.  i am thankful everyday for her and for her many talents.  despite her struggles at school, i have been thinking how grateful i am for many tender mercies this year that have boosted her confidence.  she has thrived in music, singers company, and art.  she has 5 pieces that have been chosen for the art show and she is so proud.  she will sing in front of her whole school today in "best of talent day" and these things have made her feel special and worthwhile amidst the struggles and i am so grateful.

4 months

i'm a little late posting this, but my baby is 4 months old these days....actually more like 4 1/2. he is such a sweet and joyful baby who is more full of nonsense everyday.  he has now developed a fake cough used for attention getting and i love how dramatic it is.  

i can't tell you how many times a day the thought crosses my mind that we almost didn't have him.  it is the most horrifying thought to me to think that my own worries, concerns, and selfishness almost stopped me and my family from experiencing this joy and having this special member in our family.  we almost missed his sweet raspy voice talking away, his clear blue eyes, his lovely giggles and his relaxed cozy cuddles.  we almost missed the peace and love in our lives we never would have had....the feeling of being "complete" that i now have.

it was honestly the hardest decision i have ever made.  one that i poured over, cried over, talked through, cried through.  but ultimately, it was a step into the dark.  it required REAL faith which was answered with amazing miracles and blessings.  it is always interesting to me that heavenly father has never removed the trial of my pregnancies from me despite the fact that i have begged and pleaded.  but in a way, i am glad.  i am glad because i have witnessed so many miracles first hand.  i have witnessed medical care become available, abilities be enlarged, money be stretched, kind people who have served, personal trials be endured, and the feeling of joy brought by health returning to my body.  my body is miraculous.  i am so grateful for it.  it is not perfect but i have such respect and love for this creation because of the things that it has been through.  it has been so kind and forgiving to me. 

my cup runneth over.

good company

we were thrilled that to have family visit us here in colorado over their spring break.  eric's twin brother, evan, and his wife, jodi, and their five edible children came and stayed with us for a few days.  it was a real treat!  the kids had a marvelous time playing at one hundred miles an hour using up their precious cousin time to the max. these kids adore each other and we just wish we could also see more of each other.  jodi and i didn't miss a second to yak each other's ears off. i am truly grateful to have such a wonderful sister-in-law.  i really treasure her company, opinions, and advice.  eric and evan, well, they're twins....so they were probably communicating telepathically;)

i took out the camera for a little trip into the backcountry.  i went a little picture crazy.  this is only a fraction of them...so brace yourselves....{oh, and i should warn you, i can't help myself when there are adorable redheads around so you may see hannah featured a little more than everyone else...}

joshie and addie - aren't these two precious?

a requirement of being a second grader is having a really great "picture smile" - miss maryn and miss grace

the picture on the right may come back to haunt them one day. just saying i may keep it handy.

eden was a little intrigued by my humongous camera

hannah....you are delish...and the dashing caleb.

love these eyes. eden.

evan and jodi...they love each other. 

girls rode up front on the way out.

i love watching josh run.

poser.

we love these guys.

sometimes i have to wonder....how did this happen?

i think people where tired on the way home.

our tour guide was pretty hot.