changing leaves

This year, we have experienced a beautiful and unusually long fall enjoying the vibrant colors and depth before they blow away.  I feel like it has been a gift to me that has caused me a lot of reflection.  My life (and my family) is changing dramatically right now.  I have spent the last few months preparing myself for this change…and it is time now to let you know that Eric and I are getting divorced.  It has taken me months to be able to say that word.  It has been the most painful process I have ever experienced so far (and will continue on) but I also have to say that I have never in my life been as lifted and uplifted by the Spirit as constantly, felt the sweet love, concern, and especially prayers of family and friends, and I feel like I have gained years of testimony and knowledge so far.  These are days that I will one day look back on as being both painful and sacred.  

The overall feeling that I currently feel is peace.  There is uncertainty and fear in there too but I am trying to let the peace ride that out step forward with all the bravery that I can muster (and it doesn't feel like much) to move forward and take care of my sweet little family and myself.

These beautiful leaves remind me that all things testify of Christ and while I can feel myself heading into a rough winter, I am calmed and strengthened by the fact that I know that spring will come and I will once again feel the warmth of summer on my face and also that although this process is hard and I am trying to accept finding myself in Holland and that I now have to dream and new dream and create a new plan, there is beauty is changing and falling leaves.  

sunday evenings

we count this time in our lives as such a blessing getting to live so close to my parents and enjoy our sunday dinners with them.  we love the summer time when we get to eat outside and sprawl out on the grass int he evenings and play.  it is heaven.

i can't believe how big these kids are getting.  i love watching them grow up especially playing so nicely together, loving on the little ones and forming bonds with each other.  they love all their family so much and i am so grateful that they get to grow up in an environment where they are smothered with love.

this boy, i tell you....

that naughty face....i want to squish it!

my beauty....love those freckles!

always the charmer!

grandpa trumps all!

maryn loves her great-grandma....making lots of special memories with her!

summer evening

we took advantage of grandma's visit and a last minute FHE plan to go out on a hayride and make dinner and s'mores along the way.  it was the most gorgeous not-too-hot-not-too-cool evening.  we saw elk and deer, beautiful mountain view, filled out tummies with yummy food and enjoyed the company. adam was in heaven the whole time being surrounded by all of his favorite people who he loves to shout at, all the marshmallows he could stuff into his already chubby cheeks and lot of love and attention.  the older kids just love being outside and exploring and poking the fire with sticks.  this is what summer nights are supposed to be like:)

 

byu women's conference

it has long been a dream of mine to attend byu women's conference but due to having babies and nursing, it has just never really worked out and so i was thrilled this year when not only did i have the chance to go, but got to spend it with some of my favorite women on the planet.  grandma was in utah visiting from sa and mom and emma came over with me and aunty glenda lives there.  we missed those who wanted to come but couldn't make it.

it was a great and uplifting experience.  i really enjoyed the talks we attended and all the "sightings" around campus.  it was far more fun for me to spot authors and speakers i have listened to for years as well as people who regularly speak at general conference than a line up of hollywood stars.  i know i am nerdy but it's true.  these people have said things that have changed my life.  i can't say that for anyone in hollywood.

anyway, it was a treat and my favorite was grandma hoofing it across campus...up the hills like a machine leaving everyone in the dust.  she is my new fitness goal for when i am in my eighties.  plus she is beautiful.  aunty glenda diligently spoke to every young girl she met about potentially marrying her single son which kept me and emma giggling.  there were so many laughs i can't remember them now.  i love being with family....there is nothing quite like it.

quiet

right now, my house is quiet and peaceful.  adam is down for his nap and josh is playing around on the iPad.  i don't know if i will enjoy this quiet again for some time so i am savoring it.  today is the last day of school for both maryn (3rd grade) and caleb (1st).  it has been a good year.  we have been blessed with great teachers this year.  we have made great progress this year.  there have also been struggles but those have only lead to progress and i am grateful for that.

this morning having breakfast, maryn said that she doesn't mind which teacher she gets next year as long as they are like mrs. willie.  mrs. willie has been loving and kind.  maryn has loved her for that and felt safe with her and under her wing.  she has accepted maryn in a beautiful way and not stereotyped her as an add kid and written her off but lovingly guided her along and made adjustments here and there to help her.  i am grateful for her kindness.  maryn has often pointed in out.

caleb was sad this morning about it being the last day of school.  he said that he is really going to miss mrs. schuhmacher.  i know that is true.  mrs. schuhmacher is so much fun and really loves teaching and the children she teaches.  she is one of those teachers who doesn't stand aside and watch the kids play but is in there playing with them the entire time.  it is not forced at all....she REALLY is having a good time with them.  she has helped caleb through this year as he has also now been diagnosed with add (more on that later).  she has seen caleb for his strengths and goodness and cute quirks.  she notices funny things he does/says/writes and tells me about them.  it means a lot to me as a parent that teachers don't see my kids "issues" as much as they see who they are and their strengths and then help them become better.  we have been so blessed in this way with our teachers this year.

so i will enjoy my last few moments of quiet before the summer madness begins.  i love summer time.  i am excited to have my kids home and pray that it will be a positive, memorable summer for them.