there are a host of happier/light hearted posts coming your way but tonight i feel the need to write out my feelings. today, after many long months of trying for the "dream house" previously mentioned, we are (for the fourth time) given the opportunity to bid on it but this time with our bid considered in first place! but reality sets in and the math is done and interest rates have risen and we realize that if by a slim chance (and the chance is slim!) that everything went through and we got the house and the killer deal, we would still not REALly be able to afford it. i mean, they'd give us the loan. but we have three kids. and it would demand my piano money....which was never intended to be necessary. essentially, it makes me working not an option anymore. what's the right thing to do? my heart already knows. but its so hard.
i'm am just really struggling to turn down this dream of dreams. to have a place of our own for our children to play and not be cramped up in some place or other. its the closest we've ever been - i can almost touch it - but i feel the disappointment coming on again. i know it sounds dumb but i really yearn for this. please don't think wrongly of me for saying this but it is so hard to watch all our friends diving into their home-ownership. i am so happy for them -- genuinely--but i feel sad and yes, even jealous, that our time has not yet come. i am writing this because i know that the time will come -- one day. today, it seems decades away. but i want to one day read this and know that it came.
patience is not one of my strong points right now. there are a lot more serious crisis happening in the world than us continuing in apartment living. we have been so blessed and for this i am grateful. for this i need to be more grateful. so that is what i will work on tonight....patience.....and gratitude.
10 comments:
i am so with you here, janine! ben and i have been considering buying because in AZ the market is SOOOO low that we feel we can't pass up the opportunity (we would actually be saving hundreds of dollars on a mortgage compared to what we're paying in rent right now!). but then we realize there is too much at stake and we don't want anymore unnecessary debt on top of student loans. and we just need to be patient, our time will come...someday!
but i completely understand what you're saying about having a hard time watching all of your friends move in to houses of their own. we're happy for them, don't get me wrong. it's just that we've watched it over and over and OVER for years and not once have had that opportunity. being in our apartment has been great, but it's just not our own space, with a yard for the kids and the ability for me to grow a garden, paint walls, etc. it gets depressing!
i'm sorry it's not working out for you guys right now, with the house of your dreams. just remember that everything happens for a reason. heavenly father is mindful of where we need to be, when we need to be there. if i can remember that, then i am at peace in my home, even if it's not a house yet. :)
i can completely understand where you are coming from. we were married for 11+ years before we bought our first home and even then it wasn't the dream home i had always wanted. I think you are being so smart and realizing what you can and can not afford and making sure you are being wise with your money.
So many today are not doing that...it will work out in the long run and eventually you will have a home that is just right for you. It may never quite be the "dream" house..BUT..it will be your home and what you make of it. When the timing is right all will work out
I SO get this too. It's frustrating-
I absolutely admire you guys for your willingness to follow those promptings of what is right, right now. I have NO DOUBT that you will be rewarded tenfold when the time is really, truly RIGHT.
And if this house was SO amazing, can you imagine TENFOLD?? WOW.
:) Thinking of you...
I too KNOW how hard this is... I know nothing really helps but this quote made it a little easier for me... "Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come." ~Joseph F. Smith
I know you will catch that dream, and when you do, you will appreciate it & enjoy it more than most! :)
Oh Janine, I dont know what to say that has not already been said on here, other then you truly have more people then you think that understand!!! I do COMPLETELY! It is so hard to see all of your friends moving into a "real" home with a backyard and extra space etc etc! I know!! I will be thinking about you, and I think your friend hit the nail on the head when she said you will appreciate it more then most when it is your turn!
I soooo know what you mean! Everyday I wish that we had our own place. I am grateful for what we do have, but to live in a home (with 2 toilets and 3 bedrooms) that is all our own would be huge! Here's to that day!
oh janine! these are the tough choices and it is so great that you are willing to listen to the spirit on this even if it is the dream house that you've always wanted. just like others have said, you will be blessed beyond what you can see now. i know the Lord is mindful of you and will bless you for following what you know is best for you right now!
there have been so many times in my life when i wanted something my way, but the Lord's way was different than my way...and every time i followed His way, willingly or not, the bigger blessing came after that step of faith!
the bigger blessing will come...
Just know you aren't the only one. We are living in a rental that is actually quite spacious but our yard is non-existent! Every time we go to my parent's house I remember how much I hate not having a yard for my kids to run around in whenever they want. One of Donnie's coworkers just bought an amazing home. They asked Donnie to help with moving and fixing some things and I was almost mad that we had to go there and see what they got to buy. Our time hasn't come yet either. I feel that it is out there but it seems so far away! Good Luck!
ps...if you want to see what's going on with us, our blog is daysatthehayes.blogpsot.com
What a fantastic post. I am so glad you wrote it...I remember those feelings exactly -
I am not just saying this but I really do believe you will be blessed and so happy for not getting in over your head. 'Your' house it still out there waiting to meet you guys. I know it!
It's so NOT dumb to yearn for a place all your own.
I'm so sorry for the dissapointment. It really is so frustrating to wait and watch. I'm sure your time will come soon.
I hope it works out soon for you.
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